The Forgotten

I'm going to tell you a story about a young girl who loved to do many different things. She loved to sing, loved to dance, and  loved to be actively involved in things. Then she grew up and as she grew up people started to pick on her because she was different. Not only was she different in her appearance but she was also different in her lifestyle. She began to listen to those people who called her "too big" and "ugly" and "weird". She lost who she was within each harsh word. Then the ignoring began. She was never picked to be on the teams. Nor was she asked to go to birthday parties and things of that sort. Everyone knew her as the good, sweet girl but no one really knew her. Yes, she had friends but no one really seemed to understand or stay for the long run. Those who understood would abandon her and she'd feel alone once again. Those who came into her inner circle would take advantage of her kindness and use it against her. This young girl grew up to become a young woman who came to know and love the Lord but she carried some of the hurts from her past.

That young girl was me...

You see I haven't always had a low self esteem problem. I was young and wanted to do many things but I was never apart of the crowd that I thought I wanted to be a part of. I wanted people to see that I was just as good as everyone else. I was always crying out for someone to notice that I was hear and that I was just as awesome as the other kid. Did I have family support? Yes, but somehow in my mind I thought "that's what they are suppose to do". 

I've always felt forgotten or overlooked in my lifetime. No matter how loudly I spoke, I wasn't heard. No matter how much I loved, I wasn't loved back. No matter how or what I gave, I wasn't given anything back. I was incomplete and always felt alone and abandoned. Although that was my life Pre-Christ, sometimes I still struggle with that.

It came to my attention the other day that I was a social butterfly. I was like what? Me? (I'm horrible at accepting complements. I don't know how to just say thank you most times but anyways...) I thought for a moment and began to compare myself and say I don't measure up because x,y,z. Why was I thinking that? I am a new creature in Christ! I am royalty yet, I fail to take complements without saying "I could be.." or "I honestly wish...". I say those things because I often feel overlooked or forgotten by those who claim to care so much or those who I care so much about.

But then I remembered that I'm not on this earth for people to know me and know who I am and what I'm about. I'm here to live my life for God and so that HE can be famous.

Many things raced through my mind earlier as I thought about why those thoughts come to mind. Why do I often think that no one cares and that I'm alone in this thing? Why do I feel like no one likes me? It's because I haven't fully let God fill me up and complete me. It's also because of fear. Afraid to be vulnerable with others who can potentially hurt me because they, like me, are only human. Even though Christ is in my heart and I rep Him to the fullest (okay maybe that's a little prideful lol)  but there are still areas that I'm just like "well God I don't qualify" or "you sure you want me to do it" or  "God I just got saved I'm not ready yet" ALL THESE EXCUSES!!! I had forgotten that I am chosen. I had forgotten that I am a royal priesthood. So what if I mess up?! So what if I'm not "strong" in that area. God's strength is made perfect in my weakness! I had missed that whole point of God and that was He takes the unqualified to do mighty things! Moses and David are perfect examples! God shaped and molded them. They didn't come out the womb all made up. God had to shape and form them with experience.

So I am humble myself and say God use me. No matter how uncomfortable it makes me.

I say all this to say that you are not forgotten my sister, my brother. I speak life into those places that you deem dead. God has a plan for you. You don't have to be perfect. Don't you ever think that you are overlooked. Man makes mistakes but God sees you! GOD SEES YOU! He knows how many hairs on you head. He knows what you're going to say before you say it. He knows what makes you laugh and cry, He knows!! He saw you when He was forming the world! He knew all that you would be and He understands you. Jesus knows. So rest and have faith. God has you!

This is my theme for the summer: I'm Walking On Water (Inspired by the link below)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeTu8twnGvU

Divine Appointments

Hey Everyone! I have missed you guys and I apologize if this blog seems really random but I just had to you know some things.

You guys, God has really been showing out in 2013!!

It amazes me how when you decide to let God be the ruler over you life, how He can take little ole you and do mighty things with your talents. God has strategically placed me in the life of everyone who I encounter and surround myself with.

It is no accident that I became a part of the lives of so many wonderful women of God through Pinky Promise, Westminister Fellowship, The Gathering, Exposure, PULSE, and Bound4Life. All the people that I have encountered and built relationships with in 2012 was no accident. God was preparing me for 2013!

2012 was a bunch of ups and downs for me. I kept going around in circles, failing the same old tests. Finally in September I said, "Okay God. I'm yours."

But what if I missed that call? What if I decided  that it would have been too hard to change and that I might as well continue living a godless life because compared to other people I was doing okay. I had my little boy friend, my sorority sisters, this guy on the side, a car, and I'm in school (not doing well, but in school nevertheless). I needed God! No matter how much you may try to convince me, my life was messed up and it is no coincidence that I was saved when I was.

Tonight I had the pleasure of attending Celebrate Y.O.U. with Abby Johnson, a Pro Life ministry  This was a Pro Life event sponsored by PULSE (another Pro Life ministry). Another I knew the facts about how many babies fall victim to this legal murder in the U.S. from writing a paper on it last semester, my heart was broken once again and I asked God, "What do you want me to do?" I'm so thankful that He burdened my heart because I can no longer sit by and be silent about abortion. I am saying NO MORE SILENCE!! 

I could have been anywhere else tonight but God saw to it that I was there at that event tonight for such a wonderful cause.

I know it sounds like I'm rambling, but God placed it on my heart to share with you this.

Where ever you are in your life, its never too late for you to turn to God. Stop running from Him. He knows you and He's the only one who can make you a better you. Stop being selfish and slowing up God's plans. He requires  more of you and divine appointments are waiting for YOU!

How much longer will you live your life for you and let someone else waste their life like yours because you didn't get yourself together. God wants you! He wants  to use you and your testimony!

Divine appointments are miracles. What are missing out on by not running to Christ?

Deliverance: A Little Bit About Me

Hello Blogging World! God is so good to give me the chance to reach people through blogging! This is my second blog attempt and I am so glad that the spirit has lead me to do this again. I had wanted to start this blog before the end of December and even while I was a home in Birmingham (205!) before the new year but everything that could happen, happened. The computer wasn't working right, I couldn't find my old blog to transfer things, and I had a hard time coming up with a name for the blog. Needless to say, it was God's way of saying it wasn't time yet. Thankfully I just heard Him say today, Blog! So here I am.

So let's dive right in. I was asked about my testimony and I though wow. Not a lot of people know how I came to Christ or what brought me to Him. I'll start from the end and work my way to the beginning. Recently I joined my church Gulf Coast Christian Center. I had heard God tell me to join for a while but I was a little hesitant because I am not sure how long I will be in Mobile since I am here for school. But a few Sundays ago, God tugged at my heart to join. I love my church family! So many children, teens, young adults, and adults on FIRE for God and diligently doing His will. 

This past weekend we had a shut in where we fasted all day Saturday. This was not my first fast (a blog I will have to do separately about my FIRST fast) but this fast was different. We were preparing for the new year! We had a lesson on deliverance. I had never heard anything about it before and it was my first time hearing about it but I it wasn't by chance that I was there learning about it. After hearing the lesson I needed to be delivered from demons that had planted themselves inside of me from generation curses to things that came in by opening those spiritual doors. We had a group deliverance session but nothing broke inside of me. I wanted to let go of everything that was not of God but it was just something that wouldn't break. After this we had the opportunity to break a brick with a sledge hammer. The objective was to visualize what it that we wanted to break inside of us. For me, the brick  represented the wall that was hindering me from being delivered from the demons that were inside of me. That was only the begin. Then we had the opportunity to write down some things that we needed to break inside of us on a clay pot and we were able to break it with hammer as well. Not only were we able to break somethings but we were also able to bury the remains of brick and clay. Although some things were broken inside of me, I still needed more.

I will never forget December 31, 2012 because it is my Spiritual Birthday!! On that day any demon that had it hold on me no longer lives inside of me. The devil fought so hard but he DID NOT win! I came to my deliverance session with my list of things inside of me that did not belong. The session brought about me answering questions that were uncomfortable and learning about this inside of me that I never knew were there. When I tell you I felt so free, man FREEDOM!!!  I knew I couldn't go into the new year harboring those demons inside of me.

Inside of me was the spirit of hurt, lying, religion, lust, harlotry, homosexuality, masturbation, pornography, murder, schizophrenia/split personality, loneliness, suicide, self-hatred, molestation, unforgiveness....and maybe some other things that I can't remember of think of but man I was messed up! I needed to receive salvation all over again because I questioned if I was going to heaven. All the years of feeling like I wasn't good enough and that I was worthless. The scares of me being a cutter and wanting to end my life were still there. I can remember hating that I was so different and I wanted to badly to fit in and hated myself for taller, bigger, whatever else compared to everyone else. You see the devil had my mind and I went into a vicious cycle of wanting to be accepted. You see even when I lost my virginity it was because I fell for the "well everyone is doing it". Countless times in my life I fell for the lies of the devil and that day during the deliverance session the Holy Spirit tore everything down in me and laid down the foundation that I was missing. The devil even told during my deliverance session that he wanted me back. But you see he couldn't have me! I was not longer his slave, no longer living for him!!!! I was God and I had invited Him into my heart and now I know! I know where I am going when I die. I know who I serve and who my life belongs to. I know where Jesus is and He is in my heart!

Someone asked me how long have I been saved. I answered since March 2012 but honestly, I felt saved all over again! So how long have I been saved? December 31, 2012 before the new year!!!

I pray that you don't look at this blog that she is just crazy talking about demons but this is real! There are things inside of that which don't belong and we must speak and tell it to GO! Has the devil tried to attack my mind since then? Yes! But he can never have me back, I belong to God!

I'm going to put a link here of my first blog where I talked about my testimony but this my permanent blog site!

http://pearloftransparency.blog.com/2012/05/22/being-transparent-my-life-begins/

Peace, Love, Blessings! Make Sure You Leave A Comment!!


Amber Roquelle